rollin' rollin' on the river!

this is the mississippi river...it looks a lot different here than in memphis!

you can go right down to the river

riverwalk

more riverwalk

There will be more pictures in the coming days!

these are kinda rough but whatever. i will have some pictures from downtown and the riverwalk soon. enjoy!


kyle...he should be wearing a tweed jacket

patrick (facing the camera) and kyle smoking in the basement/outdoors

it took quite a few matches before kyle and patrick got the hang of it :)

father/son bonding - basically rex is teaching kyle how to put tobacco in a pipe

sunset from the deck...basically it's really pretty here and this doesn't do it justice

definitely farm country...nothing like having a John Deere in your front yard

view from the deck of the Rains' home

up close and personal with chelsea and me

this is the baseball field where "Field of Dreams" was filmed. exciting huh?

Just to update the temperature, the high today was 51 around 8 tonight. BRRR! oh well.

I now like coffee. Ok, not coffee straight up but there's this coffee shop called "One Mean Bean" and they have the most amazing!! Beanuccino's ever! It's 2 espresso shots, a little milk, ice and caramel syrup. YUM! Plus, it helps me to stay up late :) Seriously though, I had 2 in one day (about 3 hours apart). I'm addicted.

Church today was really good. We met in the cafeteria for our service because it was a celebration service - kinda wrapping up the 40 Days of Purpose the church just completed. We had food and what not. I really like the closeness of the cafeteria. I mean the auditorium is really, really nice, but it's too huge for the amount of adults that we have. Rex gave a good message too. He was passionate about the topic which is taking what we learn about God and actually doing something with that and sharing the love of Christ with those we encounter. It was good!

I feel at peace here. It's nice to finally feel that. I don't think I realized how unpeaceful (is that a word) and restless I felt until coming here. It's weird but very cool. One thing that I love here is that I have seen several rainbows now. Like when I woke up from my 2 1/2 hour nap today :) there was a rainbow outside waiting for me. It's just a sweet reminder to me that God provides what we need even when we may not know that we need it.

God is teaching me some things about ministry. I felt as though I knew them before, but I never had actually experienced them. Does that make sense? Anyway, I'm learning how hard ministry is. Before now, church (as I have experienced it) ran pretty smoothly. the reason for this though is that Bellevue is a very established church. Here at New Life, everything is a new experience, everything is a trial. It's difficult. Also, I'm being shown when to use discernment in speaking, when to be very honest, and when to walk away. Last night was definitely a test of that. I had some interesting conversations with a guy (a friend of kyle's) whose personality is very much like mine only more abrasive (at least I hope I'm not that abrasive). I had to bite my tongue at some points, be truthful at other times, and finally I had to walk away. Nothing wrong with that...it's just difficult for me. I have the gift of prophecy and exhortation. In other words, I see problems very clearly. I also see how to fix them. However, it's a daily thing that God teaches me of when people are ready to hear and when I need to back off. Quite an interesting lesson that I wish I didn't have to learn :)

Anyway, I'm excited about tomorrow. I get to go with Devin to Mediacom and learn how to use their cameras. I'm talking really nice mamajammas that are high quality. Kinda excited. Kinda not so excited because Devin is way more familiar with this stuff than I am so I'll probably feel like an idiot. Oh well. What else is new? (besides my name of course). haha. Nathan asked me the other day, "what's new" and I replied with "my name". It took him a while but he got it. It made me laugh.

I think I'm going to bed soon. All this lack of sleep is catching up with me. It's just the family as a whole are night people and I'm so not. I feel like I'm missing out on something if I'm not hanging out with them, but I also don't want to be cranky. We know how cranky I can get without sleep. Right savannah, linzee, mom? ok well probably everyone reading this knows. :) so goodnight dear readers. Thanks for keeping up with me.

Ps...I dropped off my film tonight so hopefully by tomorrow afternoon I will have pictures up! YAY! here's hoping they turned out good. til we meet again, parting is such sweet sorrow. or something like that!

God is teaching me 1) patience and 2) that leadership/ministry is a hard job. Two hard concepts. Pray for me...

It's JUNE and its 47 degrees outside. Did you catch that? FORTY-SEVEN!!!! Brrr..

I'm in LOVE!

Now, before you get too excited let me explain...I'm in love with Iowa and Wisconsin!!! HAHAHA Who would have ever thought that those words would proceed (figuratively) out of my mouth!?!? But it's true. It's sooo beautiful here. I just got back from Wisconsin where I went with Kyle, Kurt, and Samantha to see Sam's game. She lost but it wasn't too bad of a game. Anyway, on the drive up there (to Wisconsin) Kyle brought Kurt's guitar and so we had live music and a huge 1 1/2 long kareoke (that's not how you spell it is it?)night. We had fun. Anyway, I can now add another state to my list so that hopefully I can achieve my goal of visiting all 50 states by the time I'm 30.

It's funny. Being here is straight out of a movie. You know how they always depict rural towns going to baseball games and driving and being completely random? It's true! I've already been in 3 days to 2 softball games (I'm learning to love them) and it's just relaxing here.

The cool thing though is that I also accomplished a lot today. Devin and I set up a time and place to do a car wash and a bake sale (These Iowans are in for a treat!!) We also set up a time to be trained so that we can do movies and stuff through a company here called Mediacom. It's weird and I don't understand it, but we get to use all of their amazing equipment free because of some agreement between them and the city. Anyway, that's cool. Maybe I'll become a video and editing genius (or at least begin to kinda understand it). Oh yeah, I also designed a shirt and now just have to call some places and get price quotes. I think my new found hobby is t-shirt designing.

Anyway, because my body is mean and likes to wake me up early no matter what time I go to sleep, I'm about to head to bed. You should be proud though. I have stayed up until at least midnight every night since being here. I'm not sure I'll make it tonight though. :) Goodnight.

One more thing before I go. I was just handed a package that came in the mail for me. Dottie, I know you're trying to keep up with this. Please tell the girls THANK YOU!!! I literally have tears in my eyes. Please let them know how precious I think each and every one of them is. Also, tell Anna thank you for the reminder "No Boys". I had to smile at that one :)

Hey everyone! I kinda feel like a loser for not having any pictures up yet but oh well. I have taken some pictures, just not the whole roll. So you're going to have to wait to see the amazing rainbow I saw Tuesday (assuming of course the pictures turn out). Anyway, it was really cool and you could see all 7 of the colors and it started from the end of the horizon and arched over and faded into the clouds. It was cool.

Yesterday was good. I was able to sit down with Devin and map out what we want to do for the youth group this summer. Hopefully all goes well with that. We are planning to do a car wash in July to raise money so that later that month we can go to a water park relatively nearby. Today, Devin and I are going to go look at places and try to get them to let us hold it in their parking lot. (Ps..it's weird to me to be doing this since Bellevue has never done this and doesn't need to - that's just my random thought).

I think I'm going to the Great American River Festival this weekend. I'm pretty excited - I'll get to see the Charlie Daniels Band (for free) and Stix. Sweet! That should be fun. Right now, I need to go and find the prices of the "nearby" waterparks and also try to design a shirt for Ignite! Ciao (as they don't say in Iowa)

it's cold today! it's like maybe 55 degrees outside with the wind blowing. Brr..what happened to summer? oh well. i went and looked with Rex and Chelsea at a couple of potential places to move the church that might be less work each Sunday since currently that is the outcry of half of the core group - too much work=too tired to worship. interesting concept (that i don't really agree with).

Today I went to New Life and although I'll normally be helping Devin with the children's church, today I got to sit in on the "big church". It's really nice though, because Rex is really trying to ease me in slowly to this whole summer missionary thing. For instance, all I had to do today was run powerpoint (well actually a program called easy worship). But, I have my first weekly meeting with Rex and Devin Tuesday so i'm sure there will be a little more expected of me in the weeks to come. The church is really nice. We meet in a middle school that just opened in the fall so it's very nice auditorium. The children meet in the cafeteria. They have pretty good equipment and what not so it looks really good. Everything is really well organized and they're averaging between 65-85 people any given Sunday! They even have a worship band so that was nice. I'm looking forward to helping with children's church. it should be fun - they usually have about 10-15 kids each sunday. Anyway, I'm off to watch Beauty Shop with Chelsea (Kyle's sister who is going to be a junior)...catch ya later

Hey everyone. I'm in Dubuque finally. I got in around 2:30 today and still have yet to unpack. Part of the reason for that is because Kyle and I went to go see Over the Hedge which I HIGHLY reccommend to EVERYONE! it was Sooooo stinkin' funny. Kyle and I both were laughing out loud at the entire movie. Great stuff. Anyway, I'm here. I'm still not very clear on specifics of what I'm doing, but I know that I'll be working with mission teams, working with the youth, trying to open doors with the Catholic colleges, and working on starting a college ministry. WOW. Anyway, it's hitting me that I'm tired and I have yet to unpack and I don't know when I have to be up and ready in the morning so I need to find that out. I'll catch ya later! Feel free to comment on my blog or send me an e-mail. I have a feeling I'm going to need to hear from people I know throughout the summer. I'm looking forward to what God is going to be doing. Hopefully within the next week there will be some pictures up here so you can see the family I'm staying with and the landscapes (which are amazing!!!) and such. See ya!

Surprise! Devin is here and he allowed me to use his laptop so I get to update you all! I'm currently in our hotel in Des Moines for training. We've been training hard (ok, well maybe not - the 6 of us just got through playing lots of trivia games. Anyway, I'm sure you wanna hear about my trip. I flew on 2 different toothbrushes to get here. Overall though it wasn't too bad. I got here a day earlier than everyone else so I had all day (or half the day once I finally got picked up!) to chill.

I've already been reminded of God's faithfulness as I was able to go to church last night. Actually, it was a prayer service attended by 10 people counting me. It was such a sweet time though - normally I would have been praying with my ladies, so God sent me a reminder/replacement of that to encourage me that it really doesn't matter who I pray with - it's just cool to pray with other believers!

(By the way, the Devin I mentioned earlier is a really cool guy and the guy I'll be working a lot with at New Life. He just graduated from college not to long ago and currently he does the children and youth programs at New Life. I think that we'll probably hang out a lot this summer along with Kyle so that's cool.)

Anyway, back to the church I went to last night. The name of it was Waukee Baptist. If you feel led, please pray for this church as it just recently has experienced some great things with 13 people being baptized in the past 3 months! Pray that it continues to grow and that the pastor (mike) and his wife (Virginia) will be encouraged and reenergized through this. The whole way I was able to go to this church was actually really cool. I didn't have anyone at the airport to pick me up so I had to wait for Jonette to get there! Well she is a really sweet lady in her mid-50's. After making sure I was checked into the hotel and all, she invited me to church with her and said she would pick me up. Well, we ended up going to Cracker Barrel (YUMMM!) before hand with her husband Norm and their friends Thelma Lou and John (their in their late 80's!) Oh My Goodness! Yes, I did say Thelma Lou and let me just tell you that she is HYSTERICAL! My favorite line that she said all night was "we eat our garbage - we can't afford to waste anything!" She's awesome!!! I wanna be like her when I'm old(er).

Well, currently it's late at night and I'm in Devin and Joseph's room (i don't have wireless in my room) so I better be going. I love you all and thank you for your prayers!!!

Excited. Scared. Nervous. Happy. Eager. Thrilled. Enthusiastic. Gung ho. Willing. Restless. Timid. Apprehensive. Intimidated. Adventurous. Confident. Resolute. Bold. Scatter-brained. Spunky. Cautious. Guarded. Wary. Open. Observant. Deliberate. Hopeful. Optimistic. Full of promise. Positive. Sure. Packed. Ready? Ready or not - here I come!

I started packing today. Weird...I have only 5 more days, well unless you're my mom who counts the day I leave as a day - then it's 6. Either way, it's not many!!!

The Commissioning

What I require is not too difficult, Nor is it impossible. In Christ alone, you have the victory, My grace is sufficient. I am Faithful and True.What I say happens, so fear not! Rejoice in your weakness. Rejoice in your faults. Rejoice in your sin. In these, I am glorified! It's not about you.Claim the victory before you.You have been chosen - Chosen for such a time as this. Rest in Me. Find courage in Me. Come to Me for endurance. Kneel at the foot of the cross For your victorious adventure awaits!

I leave in 12 days! It's crazy to think about. I think it's just now hitting me and I'm scared. Not for any reason but just because it's new and kind of out of my comfort zone. I'm the type of person I don't have to have all my ducks in a row so to speak...rather I just need them to be visible. However, a lot of my summer ducks are quacking and I can hear them but I just can't seem to find them. I look forward to getting up there and finally being able to at least see all my little ducks. Does that make any sense? Who knows at this point.

Ever have those times where you feel completely dissatisfied with life...even when there isn't really a reason to be dissatisfied? Perhaps my life is too routine right now.Somany of my friends lives seem to be more adventurous than mine. Maybe that is the reason for my dissatisfaction. However, this dissatisfaction isn't with the individual things I'm doing, nor is it a lack of satisfaction in my walk with Christ. It's just an overall feeling of "man, I'm ready to do something different." But then I think about that statement and it's not that I want to do anything different. Rather, I want the location (or people) around me to change. Among other reasons, I am confident that this is why I'm going to Iowa. I need a change of location, a different group of people, and a fresh perspective of life that I cannot get currently. Counting the days...

It's official! I am going to Iowa...I leave May 31st at 6:54am and will be back August 11th at 9pm. Anyone who desires to see me off or welcome me home might just become my best friend :) There has been a lot of stress, and prayers, and tears that have gone into this whole journey which has only barely started. But as always, God has shown himself faithful! I have been told that I will be working with World Changer teams, block parties, and starting seeker Bible studies on two different Catholic colleges in the area. How amazing to think that all I have experienced and learned through my working in CBU's Campus Ministry has been preparing me for this summer!!

the church and houdini

This weekend I had the chance to hang out with some of the most amazing girls I've ever known! Their passion for the Lord is unbelievable. Perhaps what I love most though is the fact that they think outside the box. Actually, it's much more than they themselves thinking outside the box. I think what draws me to them is the fact that they serve a HUGE God and they refuse to put Him in a box labeled "Church norms". Isn't that what we do so often? We say we understand how huge God is and His amazing power, but then we proceed to put God in a box, duct tape it shut, and then put that box in a steel container, hoping that God won't get out and actually shift, change, and/or completely shatter our happy little norms. (Not that norms are a bad thing all the time, but so often we create these norms just to stay comfortable.) See, God is like Houdini (roll with me on this). He can and WILL get out of any box we as puny humans try to put Him in. Because God's thoughts are not our thoughts and His ways are not our ways! Hallelujah! Imagine what a puny God we would serve, if He weren't able to break free from our definition of "right" and "wrong".

I heard not to long ago from a pastor that the reason so many college freshmen don't continue to go to church is because we don't pursue them and so they get entrapped by liberal professors at school. Perhaps a good thought, but I disagree. I think often we pursue people in general (not just college freshman) so much so that we completely turn them off of this "Christianity" thing. Not pursue them with God's love, but rather with a list of "do's and don'ts". For instance, there is a girl who is in 9th grade at my church who is developing a hatred for "the church" - not for Christ - because she doesn't fit the norms of looking or acting "right" and therefore receives condemnation from so many.

God is God and I am not! Remember that today...

I am so close to being done with school! I'm so excited! These last few days have been crazy busy...I feel like I'm always a step behind. Oh well...soon the misery of exams will be over and I can rest and relax. But in reality I doubt I'll rest and relax...I'll be painting my room, packing for Iowa, hanging out with friends before I leave for the summer. But these things will be a heck of a lot better than exams and homework. I wish I had something more interesting to say, but i don't :)

Rain, Gas stations, and Ice Age

There's something about rainy days that just soothes my soul! I love walking through rain, stepping through puddles, and hearing it fall on the windows. Today as I was at a gas station (where gas was $2.75!! outrageous!), I saw the best thing ever...it was 3 ducks just chillin' stomping around in a puddle. So that is what has kept me going today despite my joints hurting (wow i'm old) and sitting through classes. In my mind, I was one of those ducks just stomping around in the puddles.

Oh yeah, and another cool thing today...we definitely watched Ice Age (en espanol) in my Spanish class today. It was great! Only thing that isn't quite as cool is Sid doesn't really have a lisp in the Spanish one.

So I only have 8 days until school is over for the semester!! Whoo-hoo!! So I'm slightly excited by that.

By the way, I believe it is wrong that at the young age of 20 that already some of my childhood memories are disappearing. The main one being Libertyland. Agreed, it sucked royally! But it still is memories...especially the carousel. Which by the way, my friend sent me an e-mail today saying that the carousel will probably bring in around 1 million dollars!!! Hopefully it will be sold and Memphis will get the money and use it to start paying off all of Willie's stupid ideas. Now, they're thinking about selling the Colliseum which is where my best friend graduated from. Man! Another one bites the dust...

I went tonight to see the Passion Play that my church does each year before Easter and typically I just go out of habit. But tonight, for the first time in a long time, I was actually moved. Anyone who knows me knows I am not an emotional person (and don't think there was major shedding of tears because there wasn't), but I was so overwhelmed by God's amazing love and grace that He shows. There was one solo that was entitled "You Humble Me" It was sung by the Mary Magdelene character. If you know your Bible, she was a horrible outcast...definitely a "big sinner". But Jesus reached out to her, loved her, healed her, and made her whole. This song was about how she realized that Jesus had just died for HER sin. His death was personal! When I heard this song I could completely identify with her. One of the lines is "it brings me to my knees" and I would agree. Although I fail the Lord so often, He still loves me and died for MY sin! "MY sin, oh the bliss of this glorious thought, my sin, not in part but the whole, was nailed to the cross and I bear it no more. Praise the Lord. It is well with my soul! His grace still amazes me!

Laughter is the closest distance between two people. - Victor Borge. I would also agree with Milton Burle when he said, "laughter is an instant vacation." Here I was sitting at a computer at school (finally having found one in which the internet actually worked!) with a million things to do and not wanting to do a one. I was just thinking how much I would love to take a vacation! Then I checked my mail from Linz. What do you know!? I laughed and for that instant I was on vacation. The e-mail was nothing spectacular. Just something she knew I would find funny. Remember that today, in making someone laugh, perhaps you are not only closing the distance between the two of you, but you are also allowing them to go on vacation and escape their reality for just a moment. On that note, here's something that will hopefully make you laugh:

Reasons why today is a great day:

1) i only have 4 1/2 weeks left of school!
2) i had lunch with a friend today and it was fun
3) we ate at the chinese sub shop (yum!)
4) it hasn't rained today like it was supposed to
5) i get to hang out with one of my favorite girl all weekend!
and finally (drumroll please!)
6) kenrick didn't feel like 190 degrees today!

it's warm today!! yay! i'm hoping it only gets warmer from here on out..i have more cute summer clothes than winter clothes :) take a minute and enjoy the great day!

So depressing stuff or good stuff first? OK. Depressing first so that I can end on a good note...I am really frustrated because I'm not sure I'm able to really impact anyone's life positively and it's pissing me off! I teach my 7th grade girls class and I don't think any of my girls get the whole "Jesus cares about every freakin' aspect of your life" thing! Every week it seems like we talk about this topic in one way or another, but when I ask them questions, they will literally answer "no" to a question such as "Does Jesus care about whether you make a good grade on your tests?" How do I get through to them!?! Just had to let that out. Now on to the good...I know I am making a difference at school. In fact last night I was out with a friend from school and one of her friends and we got to talking. Well her friend had had a "falling out" with the church (especially the Baptists) because of his lifestyle. When he seemed really hesitant to say anything more about it, my friend said "don't worry, she's not a typical Baptist. She won't condemn you." PRAISE GOD! At least people at school are able to see the love that Jesus has for them through my befriending them. Yes, I may be friends with sluts and drunkards, but wasn't Jesus as well? So encouraging...this is what I want from my life. To honor God by loving others. Not loving their sin or stupid choices...but loving them the person. It reminds me of Todd Agnew's song "My Jesus" so that is what I will close with:Which Jesus do you follow? Which Jesus do you serve? If Ephesians says to imitate Christ Then why do you look so much like the world? Cause my Jesus bled and died He spent His time with thieves and liars He loved the poor and accosted the arrogant So which one do you want to be? Blessed are the poor in spirit Or do we pray to be blessed with the wealth of this land Blessed are they that hunger and thirst for righteousness Or do we ache for another taste of this world of shifting sand Cause my Jesus bled and died for my sins He spent His time with thieves and sluts and liars He loved the poor and accosted the rich So which one do you want to be? Who is this that you follow This picture of the American dream If Jesus was here would you walk right by on the other side or fall down and worship at His holy feet Pretty blue eyes and curly brown hair and a clear complexion Is how you see Him as He dies for Your sins But the Word says He was battered and scarred Or did you miss that part Sometimes I doubt we'd recognize Him Cause my Jesus bled and died He spent His time with thieves and the least of these He loved the poor and accosted the comfortable So which one do you want to be? Cause my Jesus would never be accepted in my church The blood and dirt on His feet would stain the carpet But He reaches for the hurting and despised the proud I think He'd prefer Beale St. to the stained glass crowd And I know that He can hear me if I cry out loud I want to be like my Jesus! I want to be like my Jesus! Not a posterchild for American prosperity, but like my Jesus You see I'm tired of living for success and popularity I want to be like my Jesus but I'm not sure what that means to be like You Jesus Cause You said to live like You, love like You but then You died for me Can I be like You Jesus?I want to be like my Jesus.

Here are some pictures I've taken over the past couple of weeks. This was a random balcony on one of the academic buildings at B'ham Southern.

These were some random old bleachers hidden in the woods. As soon as I saw these bleachers I had pictures of kids from the 50's cheering for their football team. Don't ask me why, but that's the image that springs to mind.

Childhood innocence...oh the bliss!

Happy Spring to you! Unfortunately here in Memphrica it is rainy and gross but "the sun will come out tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow there'll be sun..."

Writing a book is proving more difficult that I had originally thought. It's not that I don't know what I want to say. It's more that there is more time-consuming work that goes into it that I had never thought of. Oh well...one of these days it will be completed! For those of you who don't know, my book is kind of written by me but mainly it's 7th gr. through college aged girls giving their views on God, struggles, family, friends, boys, school, careers, and then will end with words of wisdom they want to impart to other girls their own age. It will be called Wise Words from Beautiful Babes (unless someone has a better idea). On a different note, school is ridiculous. In my media class we are talking about porn and in my religion class we watched a video today about the life of Satan. Why does God have me here?!?! I know He does, but geez. Anyway, just an update on my somewhat itriguing/depressing life :)

For those of you who haven't already, you need to go to your local movie rental place and rent "the Gospel" It's a fantastic movie (with a great soundtrack by the way). I just saw it tonight and it was wonderful!

I want to run away. Not from any one particular thing, but rather from life itself. I'm just so weary. I don't think there is another word or even set of words that can adequately describe my feelings. Weary...that sums it up. I'm looking forward to Iowa this summer. It's so far off the beaten path. Who goes to Iowa? That's what I keep hearing. Well, the answer my friend is me! I'm going. Of course, I'm going to minister to others. But, I really think it's going to be nice to break away from the routine of life, school, church, friends. Not that any of those are bad. It's just the norm. It's the same day in and day out. I feel like the guinea pig. Let me explain...when I was a wee child (ok so I was probably like 6 or 7) my mom would take me to the "main library" downtown pretty regularly. I remember lots of things about those visits...drinking Juicy Juice before we went in, walking on the concrete wall surrounding the garden, playing Oregon Trail on the computers (that now are probably in the Smithsonian they are so ancient), but I also remember the guinea pig. He was in a nice clean cage. He was well cared for. Everyone loved him. But he could never escape. He always had us snot-nosed kids sticking our faces up to him and talking to him and tapping on the glass and pretty much disrupting this poor guinea pig's quiet existence. I also remember that in his cage he had a wheel. Occasionally (this was always the highlight for me), he would get on the wheel and run on it. He never got anywhere;frankly, he never even lost weight (he was "big-boned"). That's me...I'm the guinea pig. Loved by many, very well cared for, but weary. Stuck in the same ol same ol, and even if I try to go somewhere, figuratively speaking, I never actually feel like I make progress. Who knows, maybe I'll read this tomorrow when I'm not tired and think "Man, what was I thinking!?" Perhaps, I just don't need to write when I'm tired because it always seems depressing. Or maybe, it's when I'm tired that my true feelings are expressed because I'm too exhausted to make the effort to hide them and be the Stoic. Whatever the case, your friendly guinea pig is signing off...

Sometimes it really sucks to be the person people come to when they need to vent. I don't mind being that person...that's my purpose in life is to listen to people. But what I hate is when I have a conversation with someone who is venting and I feel like at the end of the conversation, I have been no help at all and in fact may have even frustrated the person more. It's times like this that I really wish God would just change my purpose in life. Plus, it gets more frustrating when both parties involved talk to me. It's not frustration that I can't be like "well he/she said blah blah blah." Rather it's frustration in that I see both sides, see and feel their frustrations and don't know how to help. But am I always supposed to be able to "help" or is listening truly enough? I was told tonight by a dear friend that "I'm here" (in their opinon) is the greatest phrase in the English language. I guess my problem arises in that I want to prove that to the person(s) I'm listening to. Ironically enough,I find that although I am the sounding board for so many, there is no one really that I feel is a sounding board and listening ear to me. Oh, I have plenty of people in my life who care about me and say they are willing to listen (and really mean it). But on the rare chance that I actually open up, I feel shot down or not understood. Do people feel that way when they talk to me? I pray not! The last thing I want to do is tell them "I completely understand" because in reality I don't nor do I really want to because that means experiencing the same exact hurt and frustration. Rather, I want to simply sit next to them, genuinely listen, tell them "I'm here," pray for them, and then follow up. I think that is where we as people so often fail those around us...we rarely take the time to follow up on their prior issues. Why is that? How hard is it to focus less on ourselves for just long enough to stop the person a week later and say, "how's such and such going these days...any better?" I'm preaching to myself now so I'll stop. Sorry about the ranting and possible incoherency...

Random thought for the day: my wedding will be very non-traditional. I have come to this conclusion after having gone to many weddings, the most recent being today. I strongly believe that the ceremony should not be "traditional" but rather should fit the unique characteristics of the couple getting married. Hopefully, no one will be able to mutter under his or her breath what will be the next thing said (not that anyone actually does this) at my wedding. Not that I really have to worry about this for a while considering there isn't even the glimmering hope of my groom right now. Ah well...

So I watched Lion King tonight. Random I know, but I hadn't seen it since I was 8 years old. Anyway, there was a part in it that I really like. "Simba: Yeah, but it's not easy. I know what I have to do. But, going back means I'll have to face my past. I've been running from it for so long. {Rafiki whacks Simba on the head with his staff.} Oww! Jeez-- What was that for? Rafiki: It doesn't matter; it's in the past! {laughs} Simba: {Rubbing head} Yeah, but it still hurts. Rafiki: Oh yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it, or... learn from it. {He swings at Simba with his staff again. This time Simba ducks.} Hah, you see!" Although some of the stuff in Lion King is kinda odd (such as the circle of life jazz) this segment of the movie is so true. I'm not sure why this struck me as particularly poignant right now. My past hasn't been incredibly painful or anything. Maybe it's just a reminder from God to learn from even the little frustrations in life. It's so easy for me to just get annoyed and shut God out and not let Him teach me. But that's the same as running from my pain. So I guess the question I seem to be left with is whether I am willing to learn from life. I want to that's for sure. But it's so much more difficult than just saying, "Ok, I'll learn from this." It requires me to let down walls so that God can really teach me new things, and that isn't always the best feeling in the world. Anyway, just a thought from Lion King...are you (am I)running from your (my) past and/or problems? Or are you (am I) allowing God to teach you (me) through it all?

So I don't know if you've heard about the church burnings in AL, but I have friends that know at least 2 of the guys. Can I just tell you how weird it is to be affected (even indirectly) by such a weird thing as this. I mean my friends know the college guys arrested for burnings! Random! It just served to remind me that except for the grace of God, I too could be doing completely idiotic things. I mean no one really thinks, "I want to burn a church sometime in my lifetime." No one really ever says, "When I grow up, I want to completely ruin my life doing stupid things." Praise God for His mercy that even though I screw up so often, He still loves me and won't give up on me. No matter what I do, nothing can separate me from the love of God!! HALLELUJAH!

So just to let you know, I think I'm like 90 years old really. For instance, I'm in B'ham right now visiting friends right...well B'ham is known for their hills. But I'm 20 right so I decided I could go for a walk (not a run mind you, just a brisk walk) around the campus. My knees thought otherwise. I think I have arthritits or something because my knees just stopped. They were kind of like a whiny 2 year old who just plops down when they're tired and don't want to go anywhere else. I just don't get it. Anyway, when you combine my knee issues with the fact that my "bedtime" is 9:00 at night...I officially become 90 years old. Just thought you should know...

Praise God for spring break!!! I think it's just another reminder of God's faithfulness to me. Anyway, today I am in Birmingham hanging out with some friends and just relaxing...how nice! So much better than going to school every day.

Ok, so an update on this summer. Well God is proving so very faithful (surprise surprise). I haven't even sent out the letters yet, but already I have been given $100! WOW...imagine what is to come. About the letters, I have addressed 99% of them so next I get to mail them. It really wasn't as painful of a process as I had thought. :)

I can't wait to go to New Life. Last I heard they are averaging around 80 people a Sunday which I think is great considering the church is only a little more than a month old! I'm sure this summer will be hard work and tiring, but it will be so rewarding. I think God is preparing me because of the people I am around at school and such. The other day I even had the opportunity to share Christ with 2 Mormons. Random but so very cool. I don't think they had ever heard the plan of salvation in their life which is slightly odd to me since I grew up in the "Bible belt" of the South.

Right now God is teaching me to trust Him. In many ways such as monetary support, school, the girls that I'm working with, and others, I'm having to trust Him because a lot of the times I am at a loss. But that is what I have been praying for...a revival in my heart. And I think that complete abandon and trust in Christ is the first step to true revival.

In Christ alone I place my trust, and find my glory in the power of the cross. In every victory let it be said of me...my source of hope, my source of strength, is Christ alone. This is the desire of my heart. I can't always say that I achieve this, but I do strive for it. Such a great song too...makes me wish I was a songwriter or at least a singer. But alas, that is not my gift. So instead, I'll attempt to sing and just be happy that someone else was able to put my feelings into words.

I'm just trying to actually put a picture up on my profile right now. I think I have to do it this way first but I'm not sure...man I wish I was better at computer stuff and understanding technology in general!

It is so difficult sometimes to trust God. Maybe I don't mean so much trust as I mean understand God. For instance, I trust God that working with my middle-school girls is absolutely what I'm called to do. But then, He places a precious girl in my life that I'm left wondering how I draw her closer to God. She knows all the "right" answers, but still doesn't truly have a personal relationship with Him. At this point, I believe her to be a born-again Christian...she is just struggling with letting God have complete control of her entire life. Which I understand...it's difficult to let God have complete control. My issue comes in knowing how to encourage her. What can I say? It's huge that she trusts me to let me in on her struggles with God, so the last thing I want to do is say the wrong thing. But then again, I guess this goes back to letting God have complete control of my life doesn't it? If God controls every aspect of my life, then He also controls what I say. Hmm...

I'm currently in the process of trying to solicit money from people so that I can survive financially this summer and next school year. I hate the idea of asking people for money...somehow it seems to me to be the "Christian" way of panhandling. While this probably isn't how it is actually perceived by most, I still hate it nonetheless. But what else is a girl to do? I can't have a job while I'm in Iowa this summer because my full-time job will be working for New Life Christian Church. I have to be able to pay for school and textbooks and all those other horrible but necessary things so I must send out letters. But then there is the whole deal of having to get addresses to mail out the letters so that they can send me money. I have over 50 names on a list right now! That's 50 addresses to get!!! MAN! This probably means that I should quit typing and get on with obtaining the addresses...

I am going to Iowa this summer! To some, Iowa may not seem like the coolest of places to be going...but when God tells you to go somewhere, rest assured, it's gonna be cool. Anyway, currently I am trying to raise support so that I can afford to live both this summer and next school year. Please pray that I will get support. I wish I were leaving tomorrow but instead I am stuck in Memphis for 3-4 more months. The good news is that God is teaching me a lot right now...like brokeness. (I didn't say He was teaching me fun things) I've read the verse Psalm 119:136 several times as of late and could completely relate. I mean I have friends that I weep for because they aren't living for God. But then God smacked me upside the head and helped me to realize that it doesn't really matter if I weep for others if I'm not broken over my own sin first. Ouch! But it's a necessary lesson, especially one that I need before I can be of any help to New Life's ministry in Iowa. I'm still not broken like I ought to be, but at least the process has started. More later...