Reasons why today is a great day:

1) i only have 4 1/2 weeks left of school!
2) i had lunch with a friend today and it was fun
3) we ate at the chinese sub shop (yum!)
4) it hasn't rained today like it was supposed to
5) i get to hang out with one of my favorite girl all weekend!
and finally (drumroll please!)
6) kenrick didn't feel like 190 degrees today!

it's warm today!! yay! i'm hoping it only gets warmer from here on out..i have more cute summer clothes than winter clothes :) take a minute and enjoy the great day!

So depressing stuff or good stuff first? OK. Depressing first so that I can end on a good note...I am really frustrated because I'm not sure I'm able to really impact anyone's life positively and it's pissing me off! I teach my 7th grade girls class and I don't think any of my girls get the whole "Jesus cares about every freakin' aspect of your life" thing! Every week it seems like we talk about this topic in one way or another, but when I ask them questions, they will literally answer "no" to a question such as "Does Jesus care about whether you make a good grade on your tests?" How do I get through to them!?! Just had to let that out. Now on to the good...I know I am making a difference at school. In fact last night I was out with a friend from school and one of her friends and we got to talking. Well her friend had had a "falling out" with the church (especially the Baptists) because of his lifestyle. When he seemed really hesitant to say anything more about it, my friend said "don't worry, she's not a typical Baptist. She won't condemn you." PRAISE GOD! At least people at school are able to see the love that Jesus has for them through my befriending them. Yes, I may be friends with sluts and drunkards, but wasn't Jesus as well? So encouraging...this is what I want from my life. To honor God by loving others. Not loving their sin or stupid choices...but loving them the person. It reminds me of Todd Agnew's song "My Jesus" so that is what I will close with:Which Jesus do you follow? Which Jesus do you serve? If Ephesians says to imitate Christ Then why do you look so much like the world? Cause my Jesus bled and died He spent His time with thieves and liars He loved the poor and accosted the arrogant So which one do you want to be? Blessed are the poor in spirit Or do we pray to be blessed with the wealth of this land Blessed are they that hunger and thirst for righteousness Or do we ache for another taste of this world of shifting sand Cause my Jesus bled and died for my sins He spent His time with thieves and sluts and liars He loved the poor and accosted the rich So which one do you want to be? Who is this that you follow This picture of the American dream If Jesus was here would you walk right by on the other side or fall down and worship at His holy feet Pretty blue eyes and curly brown hair and a clear complexion Is how you see Him as He dies for Your sins But the Word says He was battered and scarred Or did you miss that part Sometimes I doubt we'd recognize Him Cause my Jesus bled and died He spent His time with thieves and the least of these He loved the poor and accosted the comfortable So which one do you want to be? Cause my Jesus would never be accepted in my church The blood and dirt on His feet would stain the carpet But He reaches for the hurting and despised the proud I think He'd prefer Beale St. to the stained glass crowd And I know that He can hear me if I cry out loud I want to be like my Jesus! I want to be like my Jesus! Not a posterchild for American prosperity, but like my Jesus You see I'm tired of living for success and popularity I want to be like my Jesus but I'm not sure what that means to be like You Jesus Cause You said to live like You, love like You but then You died for me Can I be like You Jesus?I want to be like my Jesus.

Here are some pictures I've taken over the past couple of weeks. This was a random balcony on one of the academic buildings at B'ham Southern.

These were some random old bleachers hidden in the woods. As soon as I saw these bleachers I had pictures of kids from the 50's cheering for their football team. Don't ask me why, but that's the image that springs to mind.

Childhood innocence...oh the bliss!

Happy Spring to you! Unfortunately here in Memphrica it is rainy and gross but "the sun will come out tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow there'll be sun..."

Writing a book is proving more difficult that I had originally thought. It's not that I don't know what I want to say. It's more that there is more time-consuming work that goes into it that I had never thought of. Oh well...one of these days it will be completed! For those of you who don't know, my book is kind of written by me but mainly it's 7th gr. through college aged girls giving their views on God, struggles, family, friends, boys, school, careers, and then will end with words of wisdom they want to impart to other girls their own age. It will be called Wise Words from Beautiful Babes (unless someone has a better idea). On a different note, school is ridiculous. In my media class we are talking about porn and in my religion class we watched a video today about the life of Satan. Why does God have me here?!?! I know He does, but geez. Anyway, just an update on my somewhat itriguing/depressing life :)

For those of you who haven't already, you need to go to your local movie rental place and rent "the Gospel" It's a fantastic movie (with a great soundtrack by the way). I just saw it tonight and it was wonderful!

I want to run away. Not from any one particular thing, but rather from life itself. I'm just so weary. I don't think there is another word or even set of words that can adequately describe my feelings. Weary...that sums it up. I'm looking forward to Iowa this summer. It's so far off the beaten path. Who goes to Iowa? That's what I keep hearing. Well, the answer my friend is me! I'm going. Of course, I'm going to minister to others. But, I really think it's going to be nice to break away from the routine of life, school, church, friends. Not that any of those are bad. It's just the norm. It's the same day in and day out. I feel like the guinea pig. Let me explain...when I was a wee child (ok so I was probably like 6 or 7) my mom would take me to the "main library" downtown pretty regularly. I remember lots of things about those visits...drinking Juicy Juice before we went in, walking on the concrete wall surrounding the garden, playing Oregon Trail on the computers (that now are probably in the Smithsonian they are so ancient), but I also remember the guinea pig. He was in a nice clean cage. He was well cared for. Everyone loved him. But he could never escape. He always had us snot-nosed kids sticking our faces up to him and talking to him and tapping on the glass and pretty much disrupting this poor guinea pig's quiet existence. I also remember that in his cage he had a wheel. Occasionally (this was always the highlight for me), he would get on the wheel and run on it. He never got anywhere;frankly, he never even lost weight (he was "big-boned"). That's me...I'm the guinea pig. Loved by many, very well cared for, but weary. Stuck in the same ol same ol, and even if I try to go somewhere, figuratively speaking, I never actually feel like I make progress. Who knows, maybe I'll read this tomorrow when I'm not tired and think "Man, what was I thinking!?" Perhaps, I just don't need to write when I'm tired because it always seems depressing. Or maybe, it's when I'm tired that my true feelings are expressed because I'm too exhausted to make the effort to hide them and be the Stoic. Whatever the case, your friendly guinea pig is signing off...

Sometimes it really sucks to be the person people come to when they need to vent. I don't mind being that person...that's my purpose in life is to listen to people. But what I hate is when I have a conversation with someone who is venting and I feel like at the end of the conversation, I have been no help at all and in fact may have even frustrated the person more. It's times like this that I really wish God would just change my purpose in life. Plus, it gets more frustrating when both parties involved talk to me. It's not frustration that I can't be like "well he/she said blah blah blah." Rather it's frustration in that I see both sides, see and feel their frustrations and don't know how to help. But am I always supposed to be able to "help" or is listening truly enough? I was told tonight by a dear friend that "I'm here" (in their opinon) is the greatest phrase in the English language. I guess my problem arises in that I want to prove that to the person(s) I'm listening to. Ironically enough,I find that although I am the sounding board for so many, there is no one really that I feel is a sounding board and listening ear to me. Oh, I have plenty of people in my life who care about me and say they are willing to listen (and really mean it). But on the rare chance that I actually open up, I feel shot down or not understood. Do people feel that way when they talk to me? I pray not! The last thing I want to do is tell them "I completely understand" because in reality I don't nor do I really want to because that means experiencing the same exact hurt and frustration. Rather, I want to simply sit next to them, genuinely listen, tell them "I'm here," pray for them, and then follow up. I think that is where we as people so often fail those around us...we rarely take the time to follow up on their prior issues. Why is that? How hard is it to focus less on ourselves for just long enough to stop the person a week later and say, "how's such and such going these days...any better?" I'm preaching to myself now so I'll stop. Sorry about the ranting and possible incoherency...

Random thought for the day: my wedding will be very non-traditional. I have come to this conclusion after having gone to many weddings, the most recent being today. I strongly believe that the ceremony should not be "traditional" but rather should fit the unique characteristics of the couple getting married. Hopefully, no one will be able to mutter under his or her breath what will be the next thing said (not that anyone actually does this) at my wedding. Not that I really have to worry about this for a while considering there isn't even the glimmering hope of my groom right now. Ah well...

So I watched Lion King tonight. Random I know, but I hadn't seen it since I was 8 years old. Anyway, there was a part in it that I really like. "Simba: Yeah, but it's not easy. I know what I have to do. But, going back means I'll have to face my past. I've been running from it for so long. {Rafiki whacks Simba on the head with his staff.} Oww! Jeez-- What was that for? Rafiki: It doesn't matter; it's in the past! {laughs} Simba: {Rubbing head} Yeah, but it still hurts. Rafiki: Oh yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it, or... learn from it. {He swings at Simba with his staff again. This time Simba ducks.} Hah, you see!" Although some of the stuff in Lion King is kinda odd (such as the circle of life jazz) this segment of the movie is so true. I'm not sure why this struck me as particularly poignant right now. My past hasn't been incredibly painful or anything. Maybe it's just a reminder from God to learn from even the little frustrations in life. It's so easy for me to just get annoyed and shut God out and not let Him teach me. But that's the same as running from my pain. So I guess the question I seem to be left with is whether I am willing to learn from life. I want to that's for sure. But it's so much more difficult than just saying, "Ok, I'll learn from this." It requires me to let down walls so that God can really teach me new things, and that isn't always the best feeling in the world. Anyway, just a thought from Lion King...are you (am I)running from your (my) past and/or problems? Or are you (am I) allowing God to teach you (me) through it all?

So I don't know if you've heard about the church burnings in AL, but I have friends that know at least 2 of the guys. Can I just tell you how weird it is to be affected (even indirectly) by such a weird thing as this. I mean my friends know the college guys arrested for burnings! Random! It just served to remind me that except for the grace of God, I too could be doing completely idiotic things. I mean no one really thinks, "I want to burn a church sometime in my lifetime." No one really ever says, "When I grow up, I want to completely ruin my life doing stupid things." Praise God for His mercy that even though I screw up so often, He still loves me and won't give up on me. No matter what I do, nothing can separate me from the love of God!! HALLELUJAH!

So just to let you know, I think I'm like 90 years old really. For instance, I'm in B'ham right now visiting friends right...well B'ham is known for their hills. But I'm 20 right so I decided I could go for a walk (not a run mind you, just a brisk walk) around the campus. My knees thought otherwise. I think I have arthritits or something because my knees just stopped. They were kind of like a whiny 2 year old who just plops down when they're tired and don't want to go anywhere else. I just don't get it. Anyway, when you combine my knee issues with the fact that my "bedtime" is 9:00 at night...I officially become 90 years old. Just thought you should know...

Praise God for spring break!!! I think it's just another reminder of God's faithfulness to me. Anyway, today I am in Birmingham hanging out with some friends and just relaxing...how nice! So much better than going to school every day.

Ok, so an update on this summer. Well God is proving so very faithful (surprise surprise). I haven't even sent out the letters yet, but already I have been given $100! WOW...imagine what is to come. About the letters, I have addressed 99% of them so next I get to mail them. It really wasn't as painful of a process as I had thought. :)

I can't wait to go to New Life. Last I heard they are averaging around 80 people a Sunday which I think is great considering the church is only a little more than a month old! I'm sure this summer will be hard work and tiring, but it will be so rewarding. I think God is preparing me because of the people I am around at school and such. The other day I even had the opportunity to share Christ with 2 Mormons. Random but so very cool. I don't think they had ever heard the plan of salvation in their life which is slightly odd to me since I grew up in the "Bible belt" of the South.

Right now God is teaching me to trust Him. In many ways such as monetary support, school, the girls that I'm working with, and others, I'm having to trust Him because a lot of the times I am at a loss. But that is what I have been praying for...a revival in my heart. And I think that complete abandon and trust in Christ is the first step to true revival.